In a striking shift that has captured the attention of sociologists and trend-watchers alike, Indonesia is experiencing an unprecedented drop in marriage rates, as revealed by the latest data from the Central Bureau of Statistics (BPS). The number of marriages in 2023 has plummeted to its lowest point in the past decade.
Our interviews with young Indonesians paint a vivid picture of evolving social norms, where young women, in particular, are postponing marriage until their late twenties—typically between 26 and 29 years old—while a few years ago, most of their answers put the bar at 25 years old as the threshold age for postponing marriage.
Love and the need for belongingness are fundamental human drives, resonating deeply with the psychological theories proposed by renowned scholars like Abraham Maslow and Erik Erikson.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs eloquently places love and belonging at the core of human motivation, just above basic physiological and safety needs. This intrinsic need to form intimate connections is not merely a luxury but a basic aspect of psychological health.
Maslow’s insight into the human condition underscores that fulfilling relationships and a sense of belonging are essential for personal growth and self-actualization.
Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development further enriches our understanding of this human imperative. According to Erikson, the transition into adulthood is marked by the crucial stage of intimacy versus isolation, where individuals strive to form meaningful, intimate relationships.
Success in this stage leads to deep connections and companionship, whereas failure can result in profound feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Together, these theories illuminate the deep psychological roots of our need for connection, explaining why the drive for love and belonging is so powerful and why the absence of it can lead to significant emotional distress.
Financial Life-span Factor of Delaying Marriage
In today’s economic climate, a growing number of young Indonesian women are choosing to delay marriage in pursuit of financial stability and independence.
One significant factor is the desire to achieve a secure financial footing before taking on the additional responsibilities that come with marriage. Many women are prioritizing savings for future family needs, striving to build a financial cushion that will support not just immediate expenses but long-term goals such as home ownership, children’s education, and retirement planning.
This proactive approach to financial management is increasingly seen as essential in an era marked by economic volatility and rising living costs.
The importance of securing stable employment cannot be overstated. For many young women, establishing a successful career before marriage is crucial, providing both financial security and personal fulfillment. Stable employment not only ensures a steady income but also offers benefits such as health insurance and retirement savings, which are invaluable for future family planning.
This focus on career development often necessitates delaying marriage until a certain level of professional stability and growth has been achieved.
Moreover, the phenomenon of the “sandwich generation”—where young adults are responsible for supporting both their aging parents and their own future children—is increasingly apparent among Indonesian youth. This dual financial burden necessitates careful planning and often results in the postponement of marriage.
Young women in particular may find themselves contributing to their extended families’ financial needs, balancing their own aspirations with the responsibility of caring for their parents. This added layer of economic pressure further underscores the need to delay marriage until they feel adequately prepared to handle these multifaceted obligations
Rising living costs in urban centers also play a critical role in this decision-making process. As the cost of housing, education, healthcare, and daily living expenses continue to climb, young women are keenly aware of the financial demands that come with establishing a household.
The desire to contribute financially to their future households is a significant motivation for delaying marriage. It allows them to enter into marital life with a stronger economic foundation, reducing the potential for financial strain and conflict in the early years of marriage.
Pop Culture: From Film to Fear
Compared to other countries, the factors driving young Indonesian women to postpone marriage are uniquely shaped by cultural and media influences. A pivotal moment in this shift occurred in 2008 with the release of the film “Ayat-ayat Cinta” (“Verses of Love”), which premiered to widespread acclaim and attracted over 3 million viewers.
This film, exploring complex themes of polygamy and marital challenges among the characters Fahri, Maria, and Aisha, marked the beginning of a trend in Indonesian cinema where marriage and its complications became central narratives.
The success of “Ayat-ayat Cinta” sparked a wave of films and television series focusing on marriage, often highlighting its darker aspects. Subsequent productions like “Catatan Hati Seorang Istri” (“Diary of a Wife’s Heart”), which popularized the term “Hello Kitty women” as a euphemism for mistresses.
In this year’s “Ipar adalah Maut” (“In-law is Death”), based on a true story of infidelity between in-laws, continued to delve into the complexities and pitfalls of marital relationships. These narratives frequently depict themes of infidelity, abuse, and marital strife, painting a stark picture of marriage that contrasts with idealized portrayals.
The pervasive portrayal of troubled marriages in Indonesian media has profoundly influenced young women’s perceptions of marital life. From a young age, viewers are exposed to stories that highlight the potential dangers of marriage, creating a narrative landscape where the risks and negative aspects often overshadow positive experiences.
As these young women grow older and engage more with social media, they encounter an abundance of anecdotal accounts and discussions about toxic relationships, infidelity, and domestic abuse.
This constant exposure to negative portrayals of marriage provokes a sense of caution and apprehension among young Indonesian women. The fear of encountering similar issues in their own lives makes them more reluctant to rush into marriage, leading them to prioritize delaying until they feel ready and stable both financially and mentally before committing to such a significant life decision.
The New Hierarchy of Needs
Our ethnography, surveys, and digital research reveal a compelling shift in the hierarchy of needs for Indonesian youth, particularly influenced by modern media portrayals and social trends. Contrary to Maslow’s classic hierarchy, which places self-actualization at the pinnacle, our findings indicate a new paradigm where love and belonging have ascended to the highest priority.
In the contemporary landscape, love and belonging have emerged as the highest needs for Indonesian youth. This priority shift is strongly correlated with the pervasive influence of media that often highlights the complexities and emotional aspects of relationships.
Young people are increasingly seeking meaningful connections and emotional bonds, influenced by narratives that underscore the value and importance of close, supportive relationships.
The exposure to both the triumphs and tribulations of relationships in movies, series, and social media has intensified the focus on finding and nurturing emotional intimacy, making it the most sought-after aspect of their lives.
Final Reflections
The trend of delayed marriage among young Indonesian women stems from a blend of economic pragmatism and media influence. Faced with rising living costs and familial responsibilities, many prioritize financial independence and career stability before committing to marriage.
Concurrently, media portrayals of complex and often troubled marital relationships have fostered a cautious approach, prompting young women to delay marriage in favor of financial readiness and informed decision-making. This shift reflects a generation redefining traditional timelines to ensure a stable and fulfilling future.